In the late 80’s to early 90’s, a song on heartbreak became quite famous. The words went something like this:
Lay a whisper, On my pillow; Leave the winter, On the ground; I wake up lonely, There’s air of silence; In the bedroom, And all around
Touch me now; I close my eyes; And dream away; It must have been love, But it’s over now it must have been good; But I lost it somehow...
Heartbreaks are real. If you have fallen in love or have experienced it, you will know that heartbreaks also come with the deal. If you have not experienced heartbreaks- you’re doing great!! If you have experienced heartbreaks – hang in there! It’s not the end of the world yet.
Ask someone who may have had his or her heart broken some time in the course of a relationship. It’s real pain that one goes through; it’s a feeling that no one desires to go through. Sadly, it has taken place and left the future looking bleak and hopeless.
However, there are those who can relate and say, “Well, yes, I have been through a heartbreak – but it is not forever – it’s not permanent. The pain is real and at the time when we experienced it, it may have felt like it was going to be permanent, but miraculously there was healing. Somehow life has moved us on to the next phase or adventure!” So, how does this healing happen? Is it that you get up one fine day and (Poof!) it’s gone? Or an antidote pill to heartbreak is injected into a person and instantly transports him or her to health and wholeness.
At times, we wish that every heartbreak could be turned into a love story and the shattered love is restored and made whole. But, sadly, life very rarely turns such experiences into a love story straight out of a movie. So, the question that we are left figuring out is- How do we deal with this heartbreak?
God created us for love. It is true and real. But when we go through experiences beyond our control we tend to go into a ‘fight or flight mode.’ The ‘fight mode’ is when we blame ourselves for the heartbreak. Many times we may feel that we may have been the cause for the mess and write ourselves off thinking that we may never experience true love again. We blame ourselves and consider every action in the relationship as a part of our fault.
The ‘flight mode’ is when we make everything the other person’s fault.
“They misused us and abused our feelings.”
“They were the ones who made the first move but when they felt that their need to use us was over- we were not required anymore.”
“They left us for someone better.
It is unlikely that we have not had these thoughts in mid-flight mode!
These are natural responses that one may go through but they remind us that we are humans and our feelings are real. Real love and validation is what we all look forward to and want. It is the most natural response to be loved and respected. But again, there is a third group of people who – when jilted in love – turn to introspect and evaluate their relationships. They identify their mistakes, are aware of the hurt caused by the other person, and choose to believe that: ‘This too soon shall pass.’ However, the life lessons learned help to unlearn and relearn many new things. It’s true, heartbreaks may be unavoidable, but our response to it can be better.
True love is real desire. In the words of a song by Westlife:
Everybody’s looking for that something; One thing that makes it all complete; You’ll find it in the strangest places, Places you never knew it could be; Some find it in the face of their children, Some find it in their lover’s eyes. Who can deny the joy it brings; When you’ve found that special thing; You’re flying without wings…
Love is found in the unlikeliest ways and in the most surprising places; but heartbreaks are a reality that we can never run away from. However, our response matters. So, what will be your response to it? Fight or flight mode or to humbly accept the good part of the memories with a desire to trust and love again?
Samantha has a strong and virtuous personality. A singer by passion, a disciple-maker by choice. She is currently serves on the Admin Team of the Equip Institute. Samantha is married to Mayur, both of whom are key members in the youth ministry of AG Kolkata. In her free time, Samantha is an avid reader, a history buff, a foodie and loves cooking with her husband.